Welcome to Skinny SZN

Back in September we declared Soup SZN the time from Labor Day to Thanksgiving, which precedes the self-loathing sweater wearing stretch of the calendar which we as Americans refer to as 'the holiday season.'  The first day of the year is the natural day that those who showed zero restraint at the dessert table would encourage themselves to elevate their heart rate for more than a session of self-gratification.  In this cisgendered white male's opinion, starting the all important Skinny SZN on the 1st day of the Gregorian calendar is arbitrary and foolish.

The pagan holidays we celebrate are not the end of the self-indulgence season.  Football is the one sport that owns a day of the week and for many guys like myself owns the weekend for a third of the year.  For those who cannot battle each weekend as modern day gladiators on the gridiron, can all participate in their own griddle based war of the waistline.  Well what day should we all kick start our metabolisms you ask? That day is the last day of the football season, a non-official Federal holiday, the Monday after the Super Bowl.

If you are looking to justify spending the month of January wearing stretchy waited pants I have three keys to support this theory.  First, it is a known fact you should not start a diet midweek although I have no science to back this up I am fairly confident science will soon back me up.  Second, for most regions the weather is starting to improve which means wearing a sweatshirt hiding your fat might be socially unacceptable.  Third, the herd of amateurs at the gym has thinned out from the initial rush of resolutions, clearing out the ellipticals and stairmasters.

This year's Skinny SZN I will be trying something different and at the same time a topic you might be indifferent to.  I will be telling everyone what I am and more importantly what I am NOT eating.  For example I will be responding to friends and family with the following auto-response texts; oh I am not eating gluten right now, did I tell you I am vegan, ah I don't think that is Paleo, and I am on this new Fox diet where I don't eat meat before sundown.  I will however be doing each fad diet independent from the next.* 

February we at TDM are abstaining from the all (deliciously) evil gluten.  If you have yet to try the gluten-less impostors posing as bagels, bread or pizza beware as these are trash.  Gluten is a protein found in wheat, barely, rye and oats responsible for elasticity and structure.  Without it bagels are not chewy, bread will be dense and pizza dough falls apart.  I will be searching for ways to satiate My 600 lb Life appetite without cheap gluten-free substitutes, trendy bullshit that looks great in photos and crappy food doesn't live up to the TDM taste test.


*Cheat meals are a necessary evil as I have very weak discipline.