EYHOBC: Prosexual Brownies

In this day and age our diction is rapidly changing.  Words that were once slipped into casual conversation are now met with cringing faces and cupped ears.  If ten years ago you were to tell me 'slut' is equally abrasive as words with double consonants that my spell-check often corrects to 'forgot,' I would say you are an insane person.  That being said, I am willing to adapt with the times and tuck my tail between my legs in the spirit of being liked.

Slutty brownies are a brownie with a cookie bottom and an Oreo center.  Generally getting double teamed by two cookies would make any dessert properly labeled with a sexually adventurous slur.  Conservative America would be bashful of a brownie full of nuts, or even one mixing it up with a cookie could be a little too risqué.  So we work-shopped the idea, brought in a focus group, hit the lab running and created a middle ground cookie-brownie hybrid.

Prosexual brownies are our version to stop the slut shaming of this beloved dessert.

Ingredients:

(Cookie Dough Base)

  • 3 sticks (1-1/2 cups) unsalted butter, softened at room temperature for 1 hour

  • 110g ‘special’ butter, softened at room temperature for 1 hour

  • 1 cup packed dark sugar

  • 3 cups granulated sugar

  • 1-1/2 tablespoons of vanilla extract

  • 5 cups all-purpose flour

  • 2 teaspoons baking soda

  • 2 teaspoons baking powder

  • 2 teaspoon salt

  • 2 cups semi sweet chocolate chips, (1) 12 oz. package

(Brownie Batter)

  • 1 cup unsalted butter

  • 2-1/2 cups white sugar

  • 1-1/2 cup cocoa powder

  • 2 teaspoon salt

  • 4 teaspoons vanilla extract

  • 4 large eggs

  • 1 cup flour

 

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You know the drill, cream your butter concoction with the granulated and brown sugar.  Add the vanilla extract at the end before adding your dry ingredients.

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Add in all the dry ingredients; flour, baking soda, baking powder, salt and the chocolate chips at the very end.  After a few minutes of mixing together you'll have yourself a nice little cookie mixture.  If you thought this was a long enough process you can just say fuck the brownie, let's just eat a few cookies and forget about our problems.

Choose your own adventure blog; if you say DON'T fuck the brownies read on.

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Melt your butter and whisk in the powdered cocoa.  I am no baking expert but you can also use semi-sweet chocolate bars and melt them down with the butter if you are not a fan of powedered cocoa.

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Mix in granular sugar.

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After you have mixed in the granular sugar you'll have a very course, likely warm-hot mixture.  Let this cool down before adding your whisked eggs and vanilla extract.

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Once you add the very small amount of liquid (eggs/vanilla) to the mixture it will start to resemble a smooth brownie batter.  However it should need a little substance, add in your salt and flour to finish this made from scratch brownie batter.  

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Press the cookie dough into your sheet pan as evenly as possible, reserve cookie dough aside if you are using a pan smaller than 12" x 12".  After the cookie dough is pressed into the pan, dump your brown batter into the pan.  Use your friend gravity to let the brownie batter flow evenly across the pan coating all surfaces of the raw cookie.  

WARNING, the brownie batter will settle to the lowest points of your cookie dough, an even dough creates and even brownie.  See below for a poor attempt at pressing the cookie into the edges of the pan.

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Bake for 35-45 minutes at 350 °F, use a toothpick or small knife to test the brownie batter.  The cookie will likely be underdone if you follow all these steps.  If you like a cookie more well-done, the best way to handle this is using less cookie dough and if you think letting it cook longer is a solution enjoy your dry ass brownies bitcc (that is a gender nuetral diss for all those wondering).

As you might be able to tell the cookie blew up the sides of the pan, which created a few nicely even pieces toward the middle but on the sides we had a little more cookie which isn't always a bad thing.  Just remember if you cookie too much before you brownie, you're gonna have a bad time.

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One of these days I will make dessert I can ingest without blocking out the following 12 hours of my life.