Pssst You're Basic: Bakin' Bacon

Today we are introducing a new segment on TDM for the truly useless humans out there.  If you've had your landlord turn off the gas because the stove hasn't been used in 3 years, this is for you.  If you only cook vegan because you're worried you'll give yourself food poisoning, this segment is for you.  If you buy pre-sliced fruit because a cantaloupe is more of a mystery to you than the female anatomy, this segment is for you.

And what is more simple than cooking the king of breakfast meats.  Bacon is a versatile protein, it can be eaten on its own, it's fat can be used to flavor a dish or it can wrap around a lesser protein like a salty/fatty meat sweater.  The only thing bacon lovers may disagree on is how to cook bacon, and there are three types of people.  First, the lazy asshole who finds microwaving bacon is an acceptable cooking method and this person will likely die of throat cancer from years of eating radiated nitrites.  Second, the slob that fries bacon in a pan and splatters it all over the place.  This person I would agree is creating the best tasting product but is the same person who can't cook or eat something without it finding a way to stain their clothes.  Lastly, the intellectual who bakes their bacon in the most efficient, mess-free and flavor producing way possible.

How to Bake Bacon

Step 1:  As a rule of thumb, rinsing raw beef, pork, lamb, chicken, turkey, or veal is not necessary and doesn't remove dangerous bacteria.  However, rinsing bacon with cold water will reduce shrinkage and yield a much better looking end product.  Do not ask me why this works but I can promise it makes a significant difference.

Step 2a:  Apply a few layers of overlapping aluminum foil to your sheet pans, this will save you clean-up time and give your pans a few more years of life.  Lay your bacon across the pan making sure none of it overlaps, they can touch but any overlap will leave you with soggy bacon.

Step 2b:  Place in a 425 °F oven for 15-20 minutes, flip over when the bacon starts to brown at the edges.

Step 3:  Lay out on paper towels, newspaper or rip open the inside of a brown paper bag.  Save the bacon fat to use instead of butter which if you have read previous blogs we learned it's a healthier option (allegedly).

Step 4:  Store.  Eat it by itself.  Sprinkle it on a salad.  Throw it in an omlet.