Smelling Pickles

When growing up in the suburbs of Boston, bullies would always start a retort with "Leahy you fuckin' pickle sniffah..." this and that.  To this day I am perplexed at that statement, I would enjoy looking at their fat adult faces and say your damn right I love me some pickles.  Pickles are without a shred of doubt in my top ten smell list, somewhere between my own farts and gasoline.  

There are plenty of over the counter pickles you can purchase for your sweet, salty and sour pleasures.  However, sometimes there isn't a pickle with the right shape and flavor for a sandwich and when that happens the solution is very simple.  Pickling vegetables is the easiest preparation we will cover, just like an ugly person with a strong intuition this is un-fuck-up-able.



  • 1/2 package of dill
  • 4 cloves garlic, peeled & smashed
  • 2 large cucumbers, skin on
  • 2 tablespoons pickling salt, Morton Tender Quick
  • 2 tablespoons granulated sugar
  • 1/2 cup white vinegar
  • 1/2 cup water
  • 1/4 teaspoon of each whole spice; mustard seed, corriander, black peppercorn

Use a clean jar with a screw top or a clamp jar, these Kilner jars work great and I use them for everything.  Dump all ingredients but add in your vinegar/water solution last to avoid overflow.


Use a variety of whole spices (black peppercorns are a must), avoid ground spices whenever possible.  Whole spices impart a slight flavor without being overpowering.


These will be perfectly pickled in 48 hours, you can keep them in your fridge up to 2 months however I would eat these within a few weeks.  If you want to pickle a whole bunch of vegetables before the winter/apocalypse use the Ball screw top jars, and pickle things for long term storage.


"Call me when he breaks out the cheese."